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How to have sex with someone new for the first time after your partner dies

How to have sex with someone new for the first time after your partner dies

Losing your partner is the most terrible pain you can experience.

The shock can leave you in disbelief. But then, the months, years, and weeks that follow will prove to be difficult and painful.

However, you may feel more comfortable being intimate again after the death of your partner.

This could be something purely sexual or physical. Or maybe it’s a deep, personal connection. Every person will experience this differently. There’s no right or wrong time. Even if you have sex or met a new person, it doesn’t mean that you don’t grieve or still care about the loved one.

However, having sex after a death of a partner with whom you are not familiar can bring up complicated and difficult emotions.

‘Loss can change you, and grief leads you to places you don’t know and where you feel uncertain about the future,’ said Corinne Laan (a grief specialist) and author of The Art of Grieving .

‘ The key to accepting a partner in life is to get to know yourself as the person you are now. You must give yourself enough space to discover the new .’


Corinne believes you can live a happy life even after your life is changed forever by loss.

Take your time

‘Emotionally, you don’t have to be intimate right away if it is not something that interests you. Intimacy with a partner new can be difficult. If you have suffered a trauma, it may take even longer. You should take the time to get acquainted with this new partner.

‘ If you feel sexual attraction, be open to your fears and doubts and show self-love. While you can grieve for your lost partner, it is possible to embrace this new relationship.

‘Bloody and happiness can co-exist .’

It is normal to think about the person that you have lost

When you’re with your partner you might think back to a past lover. Corinne believes this is normal as the memories of your past love are still fresh.

‘Love continues to live on,” she says. Try to be calm, relax and breathe.

She says that it is important to have healthy communication when rebuilding a relationship following a loss.

‘ Express what you want emotionally and physically in a partner. Listen to your partner by being open, respectful, and sincere,’ she says. Communicate with compassion .’

Be kind to yourself, and get help

If you experience resistance to intimacy, Corinne suggests that it is important to understand the reasons and feel the feelings.

‘ Get help from a counsellor or coach to get past any obstacles that you face,’ she advises.

Let Go of Your Guilt

‘ Guilt about moving too quickly is normal and common. You may also feel that you have betrayed the memory of a loved one. .’

Let go of your guilt

She says that it can be difficult to keep the memories of loved ones alive when you are embracing new relationships, particularly with holidays and anniversaries.

Corinne explains: “The secret to success is in your own way and incorporating past experiences and new ones into your daily life .’


‘ This is a significant life change and it is important to take the time and space needed to grieve and work through your grief, says Corinne.

‘ Keep working through your grief. It will make you more aware of how strong you are and help you build a better future .’

Although others may disagree with you on what to do, Corinne reminds us that we should not let their opinions influence our decisions.

‘ Doing the right thing for yourself is crucial when you are building something with someone else,’ she says.

Do you have a tale to tell?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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